I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
