i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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