just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
