you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
