If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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