Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
