What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
