I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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