Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
