drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
