I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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