I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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