hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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