My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
