remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
