Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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