my room smells like sperm. sweet.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
