fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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