just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
