it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
