I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
