I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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