he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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