She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
