probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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