Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
