The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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