I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize