Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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