SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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