pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
