Who did Billy Mays play for?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
