Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
