Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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