just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so let's talk penis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
