I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
