Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
