chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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