I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
