She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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