That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
