I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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