dude i'm inner monologue high
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
