The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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