she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
