i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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