why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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