I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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