he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
