The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
