Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
