As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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