So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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