can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
