I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
