i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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