i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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