i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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