there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
