last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
