Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
