I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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