I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
