First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
