Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
