Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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