I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize