there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize