hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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