Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm too high and old for this...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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