it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
