Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
not ubering you a puppy
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
