dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize