tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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