ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
