Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
