he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
