apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
