Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
