GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
