please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
