Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have aggressive nipples.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
