:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
