He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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