I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
