Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
