nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
