I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
