I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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