I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
