don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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