we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
