Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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